There’s a quote with many variations I often heard during my corporate days, “Your lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.” Short of needing to put out the occasional fire, for the most part, this rings true when it comes to work.
But when we think of this in human terms, it has a very different energy.
To hear from a parent that you weren’t planned, how much trouble your illnesses were when you were young, how hard things were, how you uprooted their life, all because you were conceived and came into this world, strikes at the very root of your being.
The fact that you are here in this world means you are here for a reason. If you think about it, you are in fact a miracle.
Figuring out who you are and what you’re meant to do in this life can be challenging in and of itself. When you’ve heard one or more of these messages, and carry unrealized internalized shame for being in this world, shame by the way that isn’t yours to carry, it’s no wonder why we look to things outside ourselves for comfort. Wandering this earth, searching.
Yes, things may have been challenging. Life is challenging. And the decision was made to bring you into this world. This is an insidious aspect of codependency where a parent places the load and grievance of their choice on their child. Then you as a child and then an adult may be in the energy of striving to prove that you are enough.
This is not your burden to carry. You are not a burden. Nor do you need to prove anything to anyone.
So how do you move beyond and clear the negative messages and energies that were absorbed, that you may continue to carry?
One of the most important aspects of healing is to allow your grief and emotions to rise up and flow. When you move through life acting as if you and everything is OK, while underneath is a cloud of emotion, the emotion will continue to be the backseat driver.
If you are willing and able, have a conversation. I have a client whose mother continues to talk about how hard it was to raise her due to her illnesses in her younger years. Every time my client hears those words, it puts her in a state of feeling lesser-than, and questioning why her mother can’t let it go.
We talked about the next time this comes up, to gently say to her mother, “you know Mom, I know it wasn’t easy. And I thank you for all you did for me. But when you say those words, it makes me feel ______________.” This acknowledges the other person and it lets them know how it’s affecting you. You also take responsibility for your own feelings.
In reality, the mother may not have any idea how hurtful her words are and this simple conversation may open up a new dialog of healing. If it doesn’t change things, there may be a need for distance from the toxicity.
If the person isn’t able or available, you can write the letter that will never be sent. Expressing how you feel, how your younger self felt, purging some of the buried emotions on the paper. It’s a cathartic release where the paper can then be torn up and thrown away, or safely burned. If the person is still in your life, again, there may be a need for distance.
An added step is some form of energy healing, as these situations are complex and there are usually multiple layers to release. Talking and writing are cognitive steps and only a part of the overall healing process. It’s not enough to just heal the mind and feel a little better in your body. Releasing the internalized energy works to heal both your body and spirit.
Create a mantra for yourself. It may be as simple as, “I am worthy,” or “I am a whole and divine being,” or “I am discovering my purpose.” Say them as often as you desire, and if something negative comes up when you do, journal on it as you may discover part of an old story to release.
When you feel ungrounded, get out in nature, either in person or virtually. Plant your bare feet on the ground, sit under a tree, or find a video of gently flowing water.
The beautiful part about being a human is that you have cognitive reasoning. This also makes you question some things that aren’t meant to be questioned. A tree doesn’t question itself. It grows, sends down its roots, and year over year interacts and changes with the seasons. You being here on this earth should never be questioned.
If you’d like to explore this further, you’re invited to join us in the Architecting Your Reality Fb group https://www.facebook.com/groups/architectingyourreality
In the group, there’s also a link to a guided meditation to release old energies and to connect you to the core of you.