Do you ask – Is this all my life will be? Will it ever get any better?
Have you became resolved to your life? Do you hate that he’s drinking every day, but you’ve became accustomed to it? Is this your normal? Does the thought of stepping into another relationship that could be worse keep you staying where you are?
I used to ask myself these same questions. I felt resolved to how my life was and the person I was sharing it with. Being married to an alcoholic I was always wondering what was going to happen next, or what wasn’t going to happen. I always seemed to be looking over my shoulder for what was going to creep up behind me.
I hear this so often with the women I talk with. I also see it in various groups of which I’m a member. So many feeling resolved to where they are, afraid of stepping into something unknown. Afraid of something worse.
There’s fear where we are and fear ahead. So we settle for where we are because it feels safer.
I became numb to the situation because I didn’t want to deal with it. Yet the fear never went away. It actually became worse.
The groups I was participating in helped to a point, but I kept hearing the same stories week after week, or post after post. This didn’t help me think there was actually something better.
It took being brought to my knees to realize just how bad things had become for me to finally take a step for myself.
Taking those first steps were scary but it was a different kind of scary. Instead of looking over my shoulder all the time, I was stepping into something that was unknown.
And it was for ME.
The question of “Is this it?” faded a little bit with each step. Something that felt good was ahead of me.
A few years ago I couldn’t imagine my life as it is today. It continues to morph and get better and better.
Recently I received news that my ex is back to being drunk most days. He gave away two years of sobriety. I pray for him and wish him the best. I don’t wish this fate for anyone.
A few years ago I could have remained fated to my situation. Numbed myself even more, tried to ignore it more, gone down the path of living separate but still married lives.
I can’t imagine what my life would look like now if I were still there. Three years was going to pass no matter what. My heart goes out to those I see who feel fated to their situation because of the fear of something worse or how much time they’ve already invested.
In my book, The Message in the Bottle, I dedicate more than a full chapter to this, and to the decisions I did and didn’t make because of it. Since being published over 6 months ago, I understand even more how this in many ways drove my life. I see it in others and it’s my mission to help people see for themselves that there is so much more.
Imagine no longer asking “Is this it?”
Imagine knowing “this or something better” awaits you. Your path is ahead of you.